Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Only at Walmart

Imagine this.....

Trying to maneuver a SUPER heavy, SUPER filled up grocery cart into a check out lane, only to have a trashy, long haired, dirty, TOOTHLESS, loud mouthed cashier frantically waving her arms at you to come to her lane. Then when you get there, she looks at your cart and says, "OH NO! Nevermind!" And starts laughing hysterically.

I guess her sense of humor is different than mine.

I should feel bad because she was so friendly. But I don't really. I know, I know, I'm a horrible person.

So as I start loading my haul onto the moving belt for her to start ringing me up, she's talking/spitting away with her toothless mouth and I'm just politely smiling and nodding. Then she SCREAMS then whispers (why whisper? I have no idea) for someone to bring her another cart. Not a big deal at all. I actually appreciated that because then I wouldn't have to rush to put my groceries on the belt. I have a system. It's VERY strict. Ask Miah. All boxed goods have to go together, canned goods together, frozen foods together, cold foods together and in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM can any NON food items (such as make-up, paper towels, trash bags, dish soap and such) touch my food items! And eggs and bread ALWAYS go last. Always. So I was relieved that I could do my sorting in peace.

But no, that was not the case. As much as I appreciated another cashier coming and bringing another cart, I was not so thrilled when she started loading my cart. IN THE COMPLETE WRONG WAY!!! My skin was crawling. I have to load my cart in the same way that I put my groceries on the belt. All the cold stuff HAS to be together to keep it all cold! Why didn't she know that. I had one eye on my loading and one eye on her completely messing up my loading system. Who puts chips and cereal on the bottom of the cart? WHO FREAKING DOES THAT?!?!? omg. I'm getting a little hot under the collar again just thinking about it.

I finally get done loading all of my groceries on the belt. WHEW! Now I can go tell that chick who's boss and take over loading the groceries in the cart. Just kidding. I didn't tell her who's boss. She probably could have kicked my ass. But I did start loading and rearranging my cart. She looked at me like I was insane. I may be, but it's how I am. It's ok, really it is.

So as the toothless cashier is talking to me/spitting at me, she stopped and started hysterically laughing again. I didn't ask what she was laughing at, I took that as a perfect opportunity to stop having to listen to her and load my cart QUICKLY! The other lady who is still there overseeing me load my cart asks her what she's laughing about. She holds up one of my items, a beef roast, and says, "Oh nothing, it just reminds of me a 'grosser than gross' joke."

omg.
Really?

Then she said, "oh, nevermind." and starts laughing again. The says, "Ok, well, I'll tell you."

SERIOUSLY?!

She tells the other cashier the joke, in her ear, no less. I mean come on, if I HAVE to hear that exchange, please for the love of everything that's good LET ME HEAR THE DAMN JOKE!!!!

I finish loading the rest of my groceries and am getting ready to leave when the other cashier grabs one more of my bags and THROWS it on top, so that it's literally partially hanging off and says, "OH! Those are the eggs! Be careful with that!"

wtf.
fml.

2 comments:

  1. I once had a cashier (another woman with missing teeth as well as greasy hair) sneeze DIRECTLY at me while checking out at Walmart. I tried to duck and then stood up and said, "Are you kidding me?!?!" I left my groceries there and walked out. No wonder I hate grocery shopping!

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