Thursday, June 17, 2010

Prompted Blog (again)

I thought I'd take another stab at the "prompted blogs" again. Honestly, because I feel the need to write, but not sure that I want to write all of what's going on in my head.... it might overwhelm you a bit. :)

335. If all my wishes came true, I would......

Wow. That's huge. If ALLLLLL of my wishes came true, I'd be living quite the contradictory life. I mean, how can I be married to Justin Timberlake, Steven Tyler, Jillian Michaels, Joaquin Phoenix, Jared Leto, Wes (from The Bachelorette) and Chloe Sevigny (Big Love) at the same time? That would be quite the house full, huh? Not to mention I'm not sure how people would react to me being married to so many people of both sexes. haha! :)

But seriously. It wouldn't be possible for all of my wishes to come true.

I never want my kids to grow up. That would be wish number one. My heart aches every time Jackson's voice cracks or how I notice that Taylor's waist keeps getting smaller and smaller and she keeps getting taller and taller. I want my baby boy back who was so content being wrapped so tight in a blanket that I swear his circulation was going to be cut off. But he loved it. I want my little bald big eared baby girl back who would be so moody and cry so hard that there was no sound coming out and she would turn blue because she was SO mad. I miss that. I miss it so much that literally, my heart aches.
But wish number two is that I want to be the most fantastic grandparent ever. So, see, contradictory.

Wish number three is that I want to be my kids' best friend. I want them to come to me with everything and feel comfortable doing so. I want to laugh with them, have fun with them, never be upset or harsh with them. Never having to discipline them.
Wish number four - I want to be the best mother ever, knowing when to have tough love and not be their friend. Knowing when it's ok if they hate me, confident that they will be better adults for it in the future and that they won't hate me forever. I want to know the difference between sheltering them too much and letting them grow up. It's really tough. No one ever tells you that you HAVE to let them grow up. You have to let them learn to live. You have to teach them how to be ok when things aren't ok.

Wish number five would be that I would want to be completely blissfully happy and content with nothing. No processions, nothing to my name but the people I love.
Wish number six is that I would be the richest person ever. Having everything money can buy and not wanting for anything. Again, extremely contradictory.

Wish number seven.... knowing all the answers. Being able to tell you what you need to hear, have it be the truth and for it not to hurt. Even if it's something that would hurt. I want to be able to comfort, speak wisdom, have it all make sense. I want my heart to be seen for all it is, all it isn't and for it all to be clear and understood.
Wish number eight is that I want to be blissfully unaware and have it be ok to be so. Unaware of the hurt, heartache, hunger (for food, but other things as well) and evil that lurks almost everywhere. I don't want to know it's there. I want to pretend that this world I live in is as perfect as it is in my daydreams.

I could go on and on, but I think you can see where I'm going. :) It would be impossible for all of my wishes to come true and for it all to work. And I think that's what makes life so fantastic. Even though some of my wishes don't come true, some things are super shitty, some things are so difficult that it makes it hard to breathe at times, some of my wishes do come true. A lot of them have. Most things in my life are so beautiful that I wonder what I've ever done to deserve to be where I am now. To have the children I have. To have the friends I have. What about me makes it possible that the good things in my life are so good?

A healthy mix of wishes coming true and some not makes this life worth living. You never know what wish will come true for you tomorrow.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Facts are only what you believe?

The title has really nothing to do with my blog, but I've been thinking a lot about suggestion, facts, perspective and such, so that's what I wanted to name this blog. I guess I could talk about it for a minute tho, right?
I think not all facts are actually fact. So much of a fact is one person's perspective. And that's enough about that.... ponder it tho, you might end up having quite the deep conversation with yourself. :) On to the blog.....

Life is a maze. Sometimes you find the end and start the maze over and are successful at every attempt. But rarely. Most times you bump into a block and have to turn around and try to find a new way. A new way doesn't mean a wrong way. The way you came that made you run into the block doesn't have to be the wrong way. Or the right way. Sometimes it's just simply the way you went. You can chose to throw a bitch fit at the block and yell a few four letter words at it, hit it, try to punch a hole through it, breaking your hand or a finger or two in the process or you can chose to just turn around and find a new way. When I run into a block, in all of my 31 wise years * :) * I've learned that the best desicion is to just turn around and find a new way. Because obviously if you ran into a dead end in the maze, you weren't going the right way. That way won't work. But you can and should use the lessons you learned in heading the wrong way for when you turn around and head the right way. Sometimes your compass gets a little skewed. If you need to go North sometimes you end up going a little Northwest, or West and sometimes you just completely miss the mark and go completely South. But going South doesn't have to be bad. If you're successful at life, being self aware, I believe that you can make going South into a positive and it can be the new way you're supposed to be headed. But if not, just turn around. That's all. Just turn around.

I found this quote on one of my best friends' pages (thank you Aubrey, my love <3 ) and it says so much more than just the few words it takes to fashion the quote.

"The aim of life is to live, and to live means to be aware, joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware."

Beautiful, isn't it? And so very true. Life has ups and downs, disappointments and moments full of joy. Chose to take the bad times head on, just as you do the joyous times. Face them and keep going. Keep going. Don't get mad at the dead end, you can't change it. It's not moving. YOU have to. Don't be broken, that's a choice you can make. Chose to live, love, be joyously, drunkenly, serenely, divinely aware.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

New tattoo....

For those of you who know me well, you know that I am totally opposed to names tattooed on bodies. Even names of people close to you, husband's, mom's, dad's, children's names.... it's just not something I want on MY body. Don't confuse this with me not liking names on OTHER people's bodies. I do! I've seen so many beautiful names tattooed on people and really love the way it looks. But, it's just not something I want on me. This very appropriately falls under the "to each their own" category. :)

So in saying that, Miah and I want matching tattoos. Obviously names are out. lol We have always said, well, not said, but paged, texted, emailed, written, flashed headlights and break lights (I'll explain)to "143", meaning I love you. The headlight and break light flashing happens when we're following each other, we'll flash the lights once, then four times then three times to each other. I know, sappy, make-you-want-to-barf, lol, but it's what we do. Almost every time we're following each other in separate cars. I was very much in-like with this idea, but then Miah decided that it was too girlie. *sigh* So the quest continues.

Any ideas?

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Only at Walmart

Imagine this.....

Trying to maneuver a SUPER heavy, SUPER filled up grocery cart into a check out lane, only to have a trashy, long haired, dirty, TOOTHLESS, loud mouthed cashier frantically waving her arms at you to come to her lane. Then when you get there, she looks at your cart and says, "OH NO! Nevermind!" And starts laughing hysterically.

I guess her sense of humor is different than mine.

I should feel bad because she was so friendly. But I don't really. I know, I know, I'm a horrible person.

So as I start loading my haul onto the moving belt for her to start ringing me up, she's talking/spitting away with her toothless mouth and I'm just politely smiling and nodding. Then she SCREAMS then whispers (why whisper? I have no idea) for someone to bring her another cart. Not a big deal at all. I actually appreciated that because then I wouldn't have to rush to put my groceries on the belt. I have a system. It's VERY strict. Ask Miah. All boxed goods have to go together, canned goods together, frozen foods together, cold foods together and in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM can any NON food items (such as make-up, paper towels, trash bags, dish soap and such) touch my food items! And eggs and bread ALWAYS go last. Always. So I was relieved that I could do my sorting in peace.

But no, that was not the case. As much as I appreciated another cashier coming and bringing another cart, I was not so thrilled when she started loading my cart. IN THE COMPLETE WRONG WAY!!! My skin was crawling. I have to load my cart in the same way that I put my groceries on the belt. All the cold stuff HAS to be together to keep it all cold! Why didn't she know that. I had one eye on my loading and one eye on her completely messing up my loading system. Who puts chips and cereal on the bottom of the cart? WHO FREAKING DOES THAT?!?!? omg. I'm getting a little hot under the collar again just thinking about it.

I finally get done loading all of my groceries on the belt. WHEW! Now I can go tell that chick who's boss and take over loading the groceries in the cart. Just kidding. I didn't tell her who's boss. She probably could have kicked my ass. But I did start loading and rearranging my cart. She looked at me like I was insane. I may be, but it's how I am. It's ok, really it is.

So as the toothless cashier is talking to me/spitting at me, she stopped and started hysterically laughing again. I didn't ask what she was laughing at, I took that as a perfect opportunity to stop having to listen to her and load my cart QUICKLY! The other lady who is still there overseeing me load my cart asks her what she's laughing about. She holds up one of my items, a beef roast, and says, "Oh nothing, it just reminds of me a 'grosser than gross' joke."


Then she said, "oh, nevermind." and starts laughing again. The says, "Ok, well, I'll tell you."


She tells the other cashier the joke, in her ear, no less. I mean come on, if I HAVE to hear that exchange, please for the love of everything that's good LET ME HEAR THE DAMN JOKE!!!!

I finish loading the rest of my groceries and am getting ready to leave when the other cashier grabs one more of my bags and THROWS it on top, so that it's literally partially hanging off and says, "OH! Those are the eggs! Be careful with that!"


Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Blog 11

434. If you could do whatever you wanted to right now, what would you do?

Definitely move.

Not just me, my husband, kids, family and a few select friends (you all know who you are), but the whole city of Eugene.

I know there are other college towns all over the USA that I could love almost as much as I love Eugene, but the thought of leaving Eugene (the Eugene area, rather), even for sunny and hot weather, makes me heart sink.

My husband and I talk all the time, more serious of talks as of late, about moving. We've talked about moving to Arizona, Vegas, Southern California, and most recently (and the most appealing to me) Texas and South Carolina. South Carolina sounds like almost heaven to me, actually. All of the quaint little towns with so much history and beautiful buildings and all of the nice "southern hospitality" type of people, but it is really far away. But if I could take all of who I mentioned above, and took Eugene too, I would move in a heartbeat!

The weather here gets harder and harder on me every year. When I was a kid and all the way up through my teens, I LOVED the rain. I loved the snow, I loved the cold weather. I don't know what changed, but about 5 years ago a deep seeded hatred for it started to emerge. Now I think I would be ok if I never saw another rain drop until I was 95 years old. To keep everything green it can rain at night, but during the days, all I ask is super sunny 80 degree weather. That's not too much to ask, right? Right.

Since I can't move the whole city of Eugene (and by that, I don't mean just the people of Eugene, I literally mean the WHOLE city, buildings, streets, everything) without super powers and since I don't foresee super powers in my near future, we'll have to wait to move until my heart doesn't sink so much at the thought of leaving Eugene. You never know though. $$$$ can change a lot of emotions. ;)

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Blog 10

456. What would happen if animals could talk? What are some of the questions you would like to ask animals?

Well, nothing would happen if they could talk, I don't think. Besides them talking I mean. But I would love to ask they lots of questions. I'll compose a list.

1. To a dog - What do you think of us humans trying to teach you "tricks"? Is it demeaning to sit, speak, lay down, roll over, you know, stuff like that?

2. To a cat - Do you like the taste of your own butt hole? Or is it just a necessary evil?

3. To a lion - Do you REALLY know how beautiful you are?!

4. To a giraffe - It sucks that everyone can see right up your nose cuz you're so tall, huh?

5. To a snake - Do you get your feelings hurt that everyone thinks you're gross? I think you're gross.

6. To a fish - How does it feel knowing that you're going to be flushed down the toilet someday? Sooner rather than later, no doubt.

7. To a turtle - Isn't it awesome that you have a shell you can just hide in and no one can get you out? I'm jealous.

8. To a worm - Does it hurt when a jerkass kid rips you apart knowing that you'll just grow into two worms? Or do you get excited because you've just been cloned?

9. To a bird, specifically the black birds that peck my head when I run on Territorial - Can you please stop pecking me head please?!? I'm NOT out to hurt you!

and 10. To a male rat - Do you love it or hate it that your balls are so big?

Blog 9

446. What would you do if you were in the middle of the lake and your boat began to leak?

Plug it up with my finger. Duh.