Only at Walmart

Imagine this.....

Trying to maneuver a SUPER heavy, SUPER filled up grocery cart into a check out lane, only to have a trashy, long haired, dirty, TOOTHLESS, loud mouthed cashier frantically waving her arms at you to come to her lane. Then when you get there, she looks at your cart and says, "OH NO! Nevermind!" And starts laughing hysterically.

I guess her sense of humor is different than mine.

I should feel bad because she was so friendly. But I don't really. I know, I know, I'm a horrible person.

So as I start loading my haul onto the moving belt for her to start ringing me up, she's talking/spitting away with her toothless mouth and I'm just politely smiling and nodding. Then she SCREAMS then whispers (why whisper? I have no idea) for someone to bring her another cart. Not a big deal at all. I actually appreciated that because then I wouldn't have to rush to put my groceries on the belt. I have a system. It's VERY strict. Ask Miah. All boxed goods have to go together, canned goods together, frozen foods together, cold foods together and in NO WAY SHAPE OR FORM can any NON food items (such as make-up, paper towels, trash bags, dish soap and such) touch my food items! And eggs and bread ALWAYS go last. Always. So I was relieved that I could do my sorting in peace.

But no, that was not the case. As much as I appreciated another cashier coming and bringing another cart, I was not so thrilled when she started loading my cart. IN THE COMPLETE WRONG WAY!!! My skin was crawling. I have to load my cart in the same way that I put my groceries on the belt. All the cold stuff HAS to be together to keep it all cold! Why didn't she know that. I had one eye on my loading and one eye on her completely messing up my loading system. Who puts chips and cereal on the bottom of the cart? WHO FREAKING DOES THAT?!?!? omg. I'm getting a little hot under the collar again just thinking about it.

I finally get done loading all of my groceries on the belt. WHEW! Now I can go tell that chick who's boss and take over loading the groceries in the cart. Just kidding. I didn't tell her who's boss. She probably could have kicked my ass. But I did start loading and rearranging my cart. She looked at me like I was insane. I may be, but it's how I am. It's ok, really it is.

So as the toothless cashier is talking to me/spitting at me, she stopped and started hysterically laughing again. I didn't ask what she was laughing at, I took that as a perfect opportunity to stop having to listen to her and load my cart QUICKLY! The other lady who is still there overseeing me load my cart asks her what she's laughing about. She holds up one of my items, a beef roast, and says, "Oh nothing, it just reminds of me a 'grosser than gross' joke."

omg.
Really?

Then she said, "oh, nevermind." and starts laughing again. The says, "Ok, well, I'll tell you."

SERIOUSLY?!

She tells the other cashier the joke, in her ear, no less. I mean come on, if I HAVE to hear that exchange, please for the love of everything that's good LET ME HEAR THE DAMN JOKE!!!!

I finish loading the rest of my groceries and am getting ready to leave when the other cashier grabs one more of my bags and THROWS it on top, so that it's literally partially hanging off and says, "OH! Those are the eggs! Be careful with that!"

wtf.
fml.

Blog 11

434. If you could do whatever you wanted to right now, what would you do?

Definitely move.

Not just me, my husband, kids, family and a few select friends (you all know who you are), but the whole city of Eugene.

I know there are other college towns all over the USA that I could love almost as much as I love Eugene, but the thought of leaving Eugene (the Eugene area, rather), even for sunny and hot weather, makes me heart sink.

My husband and I talk all the time, more serious of talks as of late, about moving. We've talked about moving to Arizona, Vegas, Southern California, and most recently (and the most appealing to me) Texas and South Carolina. South Carolina sounds like almost heaven to me, actually. All of the quaint little towns with so much history and beautiful buildings and all of the nice "southern hospitality" type of people, but it is really far away. But if I could take all of who I mentioned above, and took Eugene too, I would move in a heartbeat!

The weather here gets harder and harder on me every year. When I was a kid and all the way up through my teens, I LOVED the rain. I loved the snow, I loved the cold weather. I don't know what changed, but about 5 years ago a deep seeded hatred for it started to emerge. Now I think I would be ok if I never saw another rain drop until I was 95 years old. To keep everything green it can rain at night, but during the days, all I ask is super sunny 80 degree weather. That's not too much to ask, right? Right.

Since I can't move the whole city of Eugene (and by that, I don't mean just the people of Eugene, I literally mean the WHOLE city, buildings, streets, everything) without super powers and since I don't foresee super powers in my near future, we'll have to wait to move until my heart doesn't sink so much at the thought of leaving Eugene. You never know though. $$$$ can change a lot of emotions. ;)

Blog 10

456. What would happen if animals could talk? What are some of the questions you would like to ask animals?

Well, nothing would happen if they could talk, I don't think. Besides them talking I mean. But I would love to ask they lots of questions. I'll compose a list.

1. To a dog - What do you think of us humans trying to teach you "tricks"? Is it demeaning to sit, speak, lay down, roll over, you know, stuff like that?

2. To a cat - Do you like the taste of your own butt hole? Or is it just a necessary evil?

3. To a lion - Do you REALLY know how beautiful you are?!

4. To a giraffe - It sucks that everyone can see right up your nose cuz you're so tall, huh?

5. To a snake - Do you get your feelings hurt that everyone thinks you're gross? I think you're gross.

6. To a fish - How does it feel knowing that you're going to be flushed down the toilet someday? Sooner rather than later, no doubt.

7. To a turtle - Isn't it awesome that you have a shell you can just hide in and no one can get you out? I'm jealous.

8. To a worm - Does it hurt when a jerkass kid rips you apart knowing that you'll just grow into two worms? Or do you get excited because you've just been cloned?

9. To a bird, specifically the black birds that peck my head when I run on Territorial - Can you please stop pecking me head please?!? I'm NOT out to hurt you!

and 10. To a male rat - Do you love it or hate it that your balls are so big?

Blog 9

446. What would you do if you were in the middle of the lake and your boat began to leak?

Plug it up with my finger. Duh.

Blog 8

242. What is your full name? Who were you named for? How do you feel about your name?

My full given name is Shannon Lee Skovbo. I tacked on a Jones at the end when I was 18 years young.

I have no idea who I was named for. That's an odd question. I'm not named after anyone. Well, not my first name, at least. My mom and I share the same middle name though, and I think that's cool.

My parents tell me that they had two names picked out for me. Shannon Lee for a dark haired baby and if I would have been born with lighter skin and blonde hair, my name would have been Randi Ellen.

And I probably would have turned out to be a lesbian.

So good thing for Miah and my kids that I was born with dark hair! HA! :)

Blog 7

189. I am never me when...

I'm always me.

I spent a good few minutes thinking about this before I answered, and honestly, I'm always me. Different aspects of "me", but I'm always me.

There's the me that's uncomfortable in awkward situations and I don't feel like I'm 100% ok unless I have my better half by my side. Sometimes if he's not around and I'm in a situation that I need him in, I literally ache for him. My stomach turns into a big knot, I feel sick, my lungs hurt because it's hard to breathe. And although that my change my mood, my words or my outlook for the time being, I'm still me.

There's the me that's grumpy in the mornings and sometimes snaps at my kids when I'm getting them breakfast. That's the same me that says "I'm sorry" and gives them kisses all over their faces when they're eating their cereal, when I'm sure that they're thinking that just one kiss would have been good enough. Or just the I'm sorry alone. :)

There's the me that HATES to cook, but does it 5 days a week anyway.

There's the me that's ashamed to admit that I love the soap opera General Hospital like a fat kid loves cake. I even DVR it. I know, I know. It's bad. And shameful. But I love it so much. So so so very very much. :)

There's the me that gets so excited everyday to watch tv with my husband at night. I love our nightly tv watching ritual with our popcorn and/or monster cookie and soda. We split the monster cookie, of course. :)

There's the me that loves to sleep in on Saturday's and Sunday's. Oh how I love to sleep in. And by sleep in, I mean till at least 10:30 or 11:00am. Thank goodness my kids LOVE to sleep too! And so does my husband. We're quite the sleepers. :) Taylor's learning to love it finally. :)

There's the me that adores to get ready and go out. Where? Anywhere. Whether it's to the grocery store, shopping at the mall, out to lunch or dinner, or drinks with friends, I just love the whole act of "getting ready". I love to do my make-up and my hair. I love to pick out my outfits and shoes. I love it all!

There's the me that works out. Works out HARD. That's the me who's running the Eugene 1/2 Marathon in May!!! WHOOHOOO!!!!

The most important me I am is the wife and mother me. My husband and children are everything to me. I love to take care of them (even if that means cooking 5 days a week, LOL). They don't know this, but they take care of me way more than I take care of them.

So in short, I am me. All the time.